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It's Worth It
by
Robin Crane
Close to seventeen
I have no dad
What's the problem you have?
When you complain that you never see your dad,
Just think about those of us who simply CAN'T see theirs.
When you think you have life hard, think of those that can't change it.
Make your attempt. Give him a call.
If I could simply dial some numbers to talk to my dad,
or make a drive to see my dad and him actually be there, I wouldn't hesitate.
Even at the gravesite, where his cold body lays deteriorating, I can't see him.
He's under the ground, but he's not in site.
There is nothing that can change that.
So please, don't tell me that I have it easy.
I'm not saying that I have it the hardest, because I know that there are those who have no parents, or never have, and I know that I couldn't handle that.
So I haven't lost one of my prior boyfriends to death itself, but losing my dad was enough.
One thing I fear has happened
Try watching your dad take his last breath, imagine the hurt on his face and watching the color of his skin change from dark to really pale.
When I experienced that, it was too much to handle.
I still hold that image in my head as I watch over and over my dad taking the last breath, and no more will he ever be there, no more will I be able to see him, no more will I be able to hold him and let him hold me, that just can't happen anymore.
When it is something simple to change, its easy, but when it comes to death, there is no way to take it back, no way to change it.
So I live everyday with the image of the life being sucked away from my father as an instant replay.
When I think of my dad, the re-runs of his last breath keep replaying in my head. I try to picture my dad healthy, full of life, but the last time I seen him, he wasn't because death overcame him and that's how I remember my dad.
So for all of you who think that your life is miserable, and that you hate your parents, also, how you wish for them to be dead, then I want you to think of all the young children who have never had a mother and or a father to look after them and give them loving, or those of us who have lost one of our parents and not been able to stop it.
When you say you hate your parents, just take a minute and think about those who would love to have your parents, the ones who live without them.
Do everyone that has no parents, or no mother, or just no father a favor and take the time to tell your parents that you love them everyday because life doesn't last forever, and one day they will be gone too.
Take the time you have with them and make it precious because you have no idea how hard it is to live with the fact you can never see your parent(s) again.
Those of us who have one or none of our parents wish that we could take the time back and tell them every chance we had so that they had no doubts, but we can't.
So please, let them know, it won't be a mistake. I promise you that.
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